There are shorter versions of the Dodge Commercial out there, but this is the complete one. Thanks to Michael C. Hall, it is one of the great ones.
The Best Car Commerical on TV
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Monthly Archives: February 2010
Brechalon: Chapter 2 Excerpt
Schwarztogrube sat atop the Isle of Winds, situated almost exactly in the center of the channel between Brechalon and Freedonia. Its massive stone walls rising high above jagged cliffs were not broken by a single door. The few windows visible were all far too small for anything approaching the size of a human being to pass through. The only entrance was through a secret passage at the water’s edge: gated, guarded, and locked. The towers rising up into the sky were topped with pointed minarets allowing no entrance from the air. The waters around the tiny island were constantly patrolled by Brech warships. Inside, Schwarztogrube was the harshest, ugliest, and most formidable prison in the world, yet few even knew of its existence.
Nils Chaplin had been a guard at Schwarztogrube for almost a whole week before he saw a prisoner. That wasn’t so surprising, considering the guards outnumbered them at least ten to one. An entire wing was devoted to incarcerating only about two dozen men. The prisoners carried out their lives, such as they were, never leaving their cells, but supplied with food and a few simple comforts such as a pillow, a blanket, or a book. None of them looked particularly dangerous, and they weren’t. At least they weren’t while they were here. Schwarztogrube was a magic prison. A prison set aside for wizards and sorcerers—the only place in the world where magic would not work.
It was his third week and Chapman was looking forward to a week off back in Brechalon, spending his paycheck, eating fish and chips, and enjoying life outside of massive stone bocks, when another guard, Karl Drury, at last led him to the north wing. Chapman didn’t like Drury. He told disgusting jokes to the other guards; viciously beat the prisoners, and when he could get away with it he buggered the boys working in the kitchen or at the dock. He also stank. But as Chapman followed Drury though the deathly cold stone walls, he wasn’t thinking about the other guard’s shortcomings. He was wondering at the empty cells that they passed. Finally they came to the one door that was locked shut.
“Here we be,” said Drury. “That there’s the only one in the entire wing.”
“Special, huh?”
“Take a butchers.”
Chapman pressed his face against the small barred window. Most of the room beyond was dark, illuminated only by a square of light carried in from a four by four inch window high up on the far wall. The room had no pillows or blankets as did the rooms in the south wing. There was no bed. The only thing in the cell approaching furniture was a piss pot. Curled up in a fetal position against the far wall was a human being. The dirty ragged clothing and matted hair of unknown color gave no hint to the identity of the figure.
“Who is he?” wondered Chapman.
“That’s not a he. That’s a she. And that’s the most dangerous creature in the world, that.”
“Really?”
“That’s what they say. So dangerous, we’re not even ‘sposed to be here. Ain’t that right, eighty nine?” he called to the prisoner. She didn’t stir. “Lucky for us the warden’s gone to the mainland, eh?” Drury pulled out a large key and placed it in the massive lock on the door.
“Maybe we shouldn’t ought to do this,” said Chapman.
Drury paid no attention. He opened the door and swaggered into the cell. The woman curled up against the wall didn’t move. When Drury had crossed the room to her, he nudged her with the toe of his boot.
“Get up, eighty nine.” She remained still.
The sadistic guard grabbed a handful of the prisoner’s dirty, matted hair and dragged her to her feet. Chapman could finally make out that she was a woman. She was thin. She looked half starved, but he could still tell that she had once had quite a figure. Drury held her up by her hair, presenting her for view as if she were a freshly caught trout.
Suddenly the woman came to life, kicking the guard in the shins. Drury let go of her hair and knocked her to the ground with a back-hand slap. She looked up at him and even across the poorly-lit cell, Chapman could see the hatred in her cold grey eyes. She pointed her hand and spat words that might have been a curse in some ancient, unknown language.
Suddenly the woman came to life, kicking the guard in the shins. Drury let go of her hair and knocked her to the ground with a back-hand slap. She looked up at him and even across the poorly-lit cell, Chapman could see the hatred in her cold grey eyes. She pointed her hand and spat words that might have been a curse in some ancient, unknown language.
“Uastium premba uuthanum tachthna paj tortestos—duuth.”
Even here in Schwarztogrube, where no magic in the world would work, Chapman could have sworn that he felt a tingle in the air. Nothing else happened though. Drury kicked her in the face, knocking her onto her back. He kicked her again and again. And again. Finally he grabbed her once more by the hair and lifted her to her feet. With his other hand, he began unfastening his trousers. Chapman turned and left. He didn’t need to see this.
Amazon Breakthrough Novel- Round 2
The Amazon Breakthough Novel Contest has announced the novels that will advance to round two– 10,000 pared down to 2,000. The Voyage of the Minotaur has made the cut. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear where you can vote, because round two lets Amazon customers vote.
Books Everyone Should Read: Jane Eyre
Jane Eyre, the story of a young girl and her passage into adulthood, was an immediate commercial success at the time of its original publication in 1847. Its representation of the underside of domestic life and the hypocrisy behind religious enthusiasm drew both praise and bitter criticism, while Charlotte Brontë’s striking expose of poor living conditions for children in charity schools as well as her poignant portrayal of the limitations faced by women who worked as governesses sparked great controversy and social debate. Jane Eyre, Brontë’s best-known novel, remains an extraordinary coming-of-age narrative, and one of the great classics of literature.
My favorite of all the Bronte sisters’ novels, Jane Eyre is a book that holds your attention all the way through– and that is something given its lenght. You can of course download it as a free ebook from several sites. Follow the link to the Feedbooks edition.
History Card: Benjamin Franklin Butler
Benjamin Franklin Butler
1818-1893
During the American Civil War, his administration of occupied New Orleans, his policies regarding slaves as contraband, his ineffectual leadership in the Bermuda Hundred Campaign, and the fiasco of Fort Fisher rank him as one of the most controversial political generals of the war. He was widely reviled for years after the war by Southern whites, who gave him the nickname “Beast Butler.”
Butler was a Republican member of the United States House of Representatives from 1867 to 1875 and again in 1877 to 1879. Despite his pre-war allegiance as a Democrat, in Congress he was conspicuous as a Radical Republican in Reconstruction legislation, and wrote the Civil Rights Act of 1871 (Ku Klux Klan Act). Along with Republican Senator Charles Sumner, he proposed the Civil Rights Act of 1875, a seminal and far-reaching law banning racial discrimination in public accommodations. The law was declared unconstitutional, and racial minorities in the United States would have to wait nearly a century before the Civil Rights Act of 1964 would revive, and expand, the provisions of the law Butler backed.
Mini Review: Red Chapel
Red Chapel
by Mike Resnick
While visiting England in the fall of 1888, a young Theodore Roosevelt assists Scotland Yard in the effort to capture Jack the Ripper. As the streets of Whitechapel become bloodier with each murder, Teddy’s American brand of investigative consultancy shines light into the darkness of the world’s most famous unsolved mystery.
Red Chapel is short story that was originally published in Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine. I downloaded it in ebook form from Fictionwise. At $1.29 it was appropriately priced. I enjoyed the story, of course as I mentioned before I love any alternate history with TR. TR meets Jack the Ripper– a must read. The story was pretty simple– no surprises, you could say even a bit on the predictable side. That being said, the plot worked and there were no holes in it– something that is more difficult to pull-off in alternate history books than perhaps any other genre. It was well-written and TR was excellently represented. I would recommend this story to anyone interested in TR or AH.
Featured eBook: The Mucker
A street tough, bully, and thug is shanghaied onto a ship’s crew bound for the south Pacific, only to face shipwreck, jungle dangers, and the denizens of a lost world. Pretty typical stuff for an Edgar Rice Burroughs novel. This almost forgotten work by the author of Tarzan of the Apes and John Carter of Mars is well worth the read. You can download it free at Feedbooks.com. Follow this link.
Senta and the Steel Dragon – Illustration
The reptilian tyrant strode over to its victim and administered a killing bite.
Images Copyright 2010 by Clipart.com
Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Sorceress: Chapter 11 Excerpt
As the sorceress said, disconsolateberries grow all over the southern coast of Lyrria. As you may know, disconsolate is a word meaning sad. It is a medium powerful word for sad, which is to say that it is more sad than crestfallen, but not so sad as woebegone. A disconsolate person is somewhat worse off than a person who is merely downcast, but not in nearly so bad a shape as a person who is inconsolable. You might suppose that the name of the berry comes from the feeling that one may feel after eating a few disconsolateberries, but you would be mightily mistaken. If anything, disconsolateberries lighten the mood of anyone who eats a few handfuls of them. It is my understanding that their name comes from a young man who lost his love. Wandering the hills along the coast, he was determined to die of starvation, but was unable to because he tasted one of the berries and thereafter kept eating them, despite his sadness and desire to die.
“You just made that up,” said the sorceress.
“Made what up?”
“That bit about the young man who lost his love.”
“Were you reading my thoughts?”
“No, you said that aloud.”
“I did?”
“I heard that the disconsolateberry got its name because being so tasty that one cannot stop eating them when out picking them, one can never gather enough to make a whole pie, leaving the maiden who is trying to do so, disconsolate.”
“I like my story better,” said I. “Although your story does have the benefit of having a pie in it.”
“I see you’ve finished your piece,” said Myolaena. “Would you like more poison pie?”
“Yes please.”
“I was being sarcastic.”
“So I can’t have any more?”
“Why would you keep eating the pie, once I told you it was poisoned?”
“For one thing, being evil, you are probably lying about the poison…”
“I’m not evil.”
“Evil people never think they are.”
“What about Shakespeare’s Richard III? He is determined to play the villain.”
“I’ve never heard of him.”
“Who? Richard III or Shakespeare?”
“Neither one of them.”
“One was a king in a faraway country. The other is the greatest writer of all time.”
“Which is which?” I wondered. “Never mind. I don’t care about a king in a faraway country, and clearly I am the greatest writer of all time.”
Mini Review: The Slippery Art of Book Reviewing
I mentioned before that I had purchased The Slippery Art of Book Reviewing by Mayra Calvani and Anne K. Edwards, but now I’ve actually read it. It’s a great book if you want to be a book reviewer, and even if you don’t. Don’t read it straight through though. This isn’t a simple how-to book. This is a text of everything you ever wanted to know about book reviewing. It is meant to be read and reread sections at a time and to have on hand to turn to when trying to write a review. I bought it in ebook form and it was well worth the money.
City of Amathar 