Liar Liar, Pants on Fire

I have stopped posting monthly sales figures and the like, because “It’s not about book sales; it’s about connections with readers.”  So other than major milestones, I’m not going to list sales or download numbers.  But I do scrupulously track them– at least so much as I am able.  Part of the problem with that is that several of my books have been available free at iBookstore (and still are) and until recently iTunes/Smashwords hadn’t notified me of sales numbers (on free books) all the way back to 2010.  I compensated for this by estimating them based upon sales at other ebook retailers.  Now finally, they have released the numbers and I’ve been a bit off.

I had recently posted that His Robot Girlfriend had passed 450,000 downloads.  Whoops, not so fast.  The actual number is only 423,204.  Not quite there, but not that far off.  On the other hand, I had celebrated Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Elven Princess passing 100,000 downloads.  I was a quite a bit off on this one.  The actual number of downloads is 54,675.

And just for the sake of completion, here are the actual download numbers for the other free books.  Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Sorceress: 45,291.  Senta and the Steel Dragon Book 1: Brechalon: 12,098.

His Robot Wife: Patience is a Virtue – Now at Sony Ebooks.

PatienceHis Robot Wife: Patience is a Virtue is now available for the Sony eReader.  You can purchase it directly from you Sony Reading device, or follow this link to the Sony eBookstore.

It is the year 2037, when men are men and robots are cute. Patience, the robot wife, is back, this time mentoring her new friend– Wanda. But even Patience isn’t prepared for what happens when they take a joint vacation cruise to Antarctica. His Robot Wife: Patience is a Virtue is a science fiction story in a world where technology is more than just a pretty face.

His Robot Wife: Patience is a Virtue – Now for Nook!

PatienceHis Robot Wife: Patience is a Virtue is now available at Barnes and Noble for the nook.  Look for it directly from your nook reading device, or follow this link.

Overview

It is the year 2037, when men are men and robots are cute. Patience, the robot wife, is back, this time mentoring her new friend– Wanda. But even Patience isn’t prepared for what happens when they take a joint vacation cruise to Antarctica. His Robot Wife: Patience is a Virtue is a science fiction story in a world where technology is more than just a pretty face.

His Robot Wife: Patience is a Virtue – Chapter 4 Excerpt

Patience“Now Mike,” said Patience.  “You need to be a good friend and let him confide in you.”

“No I don’t.  I don’t do that.  I don’t do that for anyone.”

“I will make it worth your while.”  She gave him a roguish leer.  Wanda, watching from the sidelines, opened her mouth in shock.

“Are you trying to bribe me with sex?” asked Mike.  “You literally do anything I ask you to do.  What could you possibly offer me?”

“Oh, I have been programmed to do things—very, very naughty things—things you have never even dreamed of.”

“Okay, I’m in.”

The robot waitress delivered drinks and breadsticks just as Ryan returned to his seat.  He took a deep drink of his beer and then took a breadstick from the basket.

“I didn’t realize how hungry I was until just now.”

“I’m only having one breadstick,” said Mike, taking one from the basket.  “I haven’t been able to work out since I hurt my knee and I don’t want to gain back any of the weight I’ve lost.”

Patience kicked him under the table.

“Shit!”  He looked at her, and she rolled her eyes.

“Oh, um… would you like to tell us about… you know, things.”

“I don’t want to talk about it in front of the girls.”

“They’re robots,” said Mike, smirking at his wife.  “They’re just like the furniture.”

Wanda frowned, but Patience nodded in agreement, her eyes wide with innocence.”

“If I talk about it now, I won’t be able to eat, and I’m looking forward to that chicken marsala.”

“You could go to the gym with me tomorrow and talk…” Mike started.

Patience kicked him again.

“Shit!  I forgot I can’t go.”  He glared at her.  “My leg is in a lot of pain.  Why don’t you come over for coffee after we’re done here?  We can sit on the deck and talk privately.”

“It won’t be too hot?”

“No.  Patience put in an outdoor cooling system in the spring.”

The waitress arrived with their meals and the two men for the most part, ceased their conversation as they ate.  Mike was clearly enjoying his steak and pasta.  When he reached for another breadstick, Patience grabbed the basket and moved it to the other side of the table.

“Another breadstick?” she asked Ryan.

“Thanks,” he replied, taking one.

Mike looked at her for a moment, an indecipherable expression on his face, but turned back to his meal.

“You don’t mind that Wanda and I don’t eat, do you Ryan?”

“No, but… Wow.  I think this is the longest I’ve gone without hearing her talk.”

“Would you prefer her to be quiet and concise all the time?”

“Actually, no.  She’s a chatterbox, but I’m kind of getting used to it.”

“Thank you, Ryan,” said Wanda, breaking her relatively long silence.

“We’ll meet you over at our house,” said Mike, when they had finished their meal.  He punched in the payment on his phone.  “I’ve got this one.  You can get the next one.”

The Many Adventures of Eaglethorpe Buxton – On Sale at Smashwords

Eaglethorpe Buxton MiniThe Many Adventures of Eaglethorpe Buxton is on sale all during the month of August at Smashwords.  Get $1.00 off the regular $2.99 price when you use this coupon code at checkout: HQ64S.  Follow this link to find the book.

Eaglethorpe Buxton, famed adventurer and story-teller, friend to those in need of a friend and guardian to those in need of a guardian. He is a liar and braggart, not to be trusted, especially around pies. Who are we to believe? Buxton himself leads us through The Many Adventures of Eaglethorpe Buxton. This volume includes the previously published Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Elven Princess in which our hero comes to the aid of… a poor orphan? An elven princess? And Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Sorceress. When the sorceress, subject of Eaglethorpe’s play arrives with fire in her eyes, the hapless story-teller must pretend to be his good friend Ellwood. Will he pull off this charade and survive? And what happens when the real Ellwood shows up? One can never tell, especially when Eaglethorpe tells the story. Plus thrill to three all new Eaglethorpe stories. In Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Queen of Aerithraine, our hero is back in his homeland, just in time to stop a mysterious murder, meet the Queen, solve the mystery of his best friend, and face off against a zombie apocalypse! In Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Amazons, our hero and his new friend Percival Thorndyke tramp through the horrible, stinking, insect-infested land of Ennedi in search of treasure. Eaglethorpe must deal with man-hating Amazons, jungle-dwelling goblins, vicious centaurs, the dreaded and feared frog-bear, and a companion who seems determined to get himself killed. In Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Day of the Night of the Werewolf, the famed story-teller is sent to hunt down an unusual werewolf and manages to run into practically everyone he has ever met along the way. The Many Adventures of Eaglethorpe Buxton is a farcical fantasy of heroic proportions, sure to elicit more giggles than gasps.

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His Robot Wife: Patience is a Virtue – Chapter 3 Excerpt

PatienceAt 6:30, Mike and Patience climbed into the car.  This time both wore clothes that Patience had picked out.  Having looked up Dr. Mercer’s address and plotted out the route before hand, Patience had no problem finding the house.  It was a large house—Mike estimated about 5,000 square feet.  It had a vaguely castle-like feel, with a round entryway and pointed roofs.  There were many outcroppings with gables, as well as a multi-level fountain just outside the front window.  The yard was well lit.  A dozen cars were crammed in the oval driveway, the overflow parked on both sides of the street for most of the block.

“What do you call that kind of house I wonder?” asked Mike.

“It’s called tacky.”

They parked down the street and made their way to the front door.  Patience carried the beer.  When they rang the bell, a slender blond woman with enormous breasts opened the door.  The long red dress she wore looked as though it was painted on.

“Mrs. Mercer, I presume,” said Mike.

“Well, Mr. Smith.  Doug told me that he invited you.”

Mike nodded.

“You don’t remember me, do you?” she asked, a frown forming.

“Um, no.  I taught well over 6,000 kids over the years.  I’m afraid they tend to just sort of run together after a while.”

“It’s Ava.  I was Ava Giordino.”

Mike shrugged.

“I was in class with Aidin Nguyen and Isabella Zollie…”

“They don’t ring a bell.”

“Tommy Guk was in that class too.”

He shook his head.

“He became a senator.”

“Yeah, you all look different after you grow up.”

“Well, Doug is in the back yard by the grill.”  She stepped aside and let them enter.

“You remember Tommy Guk,” whispered Patience as they walked through the house.  “He invited you to his election rally, but you didn’t go.”

“I did vote for him though.  That has to count for just as much.”

“So you do remember him.”

“Of course I remember him.  And I remember her.  I remember all of them, but I don’t like to be reminded that I’m a pompous blowhard.  Go put the beer in the kitchen.  I’m going out back to find Dr. Doug.”

Patience found the kitchen and opened the box of beer, placing the individual cans in a large ice chest that had been set up for that purpose.  When she finished, she folded the box and placed it in the recycler beneath the counter.

“That’s getting pretty full,” said a voice behind her.  “You should empty it.  Then take cold beers around to everyone outside.”

Turning toward the voice, Patience immediately recognized the mother of the woman who had greeted them at the door.  She was about twenty years older and had a few wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.  Otherwise it could have been the same face.  She even wore a similar dress, though her small breasts didn’t threaten to explode through it, as her daughter’s had.

“I don’t work here,” said Patience.  “I’m a guest.”

“A guest?”

“She came with my old teacher,” said Ava Mercer, stepping into the room behind her mother.  “I didn’t even notice she was a robot when they came in.  I see it now though.”

“Oh.  I knew you were planning to get one.  I just thought you did.”

“Like I said, she belongs to Mr. Smith.  I guess she’s his nurse or something.”

“I’m his wife,” said Patience.

“Can’t he get a real woman?” asked the younger female.

“Of course he can,” said Patience, as she fished a Diet Pepsi from the ice chest.  “He was just too much for them.  Overstimulation, the hospital said.  He didn’t want to risk another woman’s health, or his own.  That’s how he injured his leg.”

“You’re joking,” said the host’s mother.

“Oh, robots are not allowed to joke or lie,” lied Patience, crossing the room and exiting through an open sliding door into the back yard.

“He did look a lot better than I remembered,” she heard Ava Mercer say.

Astrid Maxxim and her Amazing Hoverbike – Free at Smashwords

Astrid Maxxim CoverThere are just 3 days left to pick up a free ebook of Astrid Maxxim and her Amazing Hoverbike, as well as to take advantage of all the other great books on sale in the yearly Smashwords promotion.  Follow this link to Astrid Maxxim and her Amazing Hoverbike.  Be sure to use the coupon code: SW100.

From the 180,000 acre campus of Maxxim Industries, fourteen year old girl genius and inventor Astrid Maxxim works alongside her father, Dr. Roger Maxxim, on projects to make the world a better place. Her latest invention is a flying scooter—the hoverbike. Is it the target of an international spy ring, or are they after secret Project RG-7, or Astrid herself? Astrid has something bigger on her mind though—high school. There’s a field trip coming, and the Spring Fling is right around the corner… And does Toby like her as much as she likes him?

Blood Trade – 50% Off at Smashwords

Blood TradeJust a few days left for the Smashwords yearly promotion.  One of the books featured is Blood Trade.  Till the end of the month, you can get it for 50% off its regular $2.99 price.  Follow this link to find the book.  Be sure to use coupon code SSW50 at checkout.

Vegas is going to hell– literally. Werewolves run through the streets and the vampires are taking over. Former army ranger/Goth tattoo model/private eye Xochitl McKenna doesn’t like it either, especially when it comes between her and her clients. But are the vampires and werewolves the greatest threat, or is it something or someone much closer to her? Warning: Adult Content.

The Drache Girl- 50% Off at Smashwords

The Drache GirlJust a few more days to take advantage of the yearly Smashwords promotion.  Senta and the Steel Dragon Book 2: The Drache Girl is 50% off till the end of the month.  Use coupon code: SSW50.  Follow this link to the book.

More than three years have passed since the colonists arrived in Birmisia, and Port Dechantagne is a thriving colony, with the railway line almost complete. Twelve year old sorceress’s apprentice Senta Bly, Police Constable Saba Colbshallow, and former maid Yuah Dechantagne must deal with wizards, prejudice, steam carriages, boys riding dinosaurs, and the mysterious activities of the lizardmen.

The Dark and Forbidding Land – 50% Off at Smashwords

The Dark and Forbidding LandJust a reminder that The Dark and Forbidding Land is 50% off as part of the month-long Smashwords promotion.  Be sure to use coupon code: SSW50.  Follow this link to find the book.  I’m rereading it right now, and I think it’s one of my favorites.

Two years have passed since Senta, the sorceress Zurfina, and Bessemer the steel dragon arrived in the strange land of Birmisia. Now it is up to the settlers to build a home in this dark and forbidding land, ruled by terrifying dinosaurs and strange lizardmen. Ten year old Senta must discover which is the greater threat, a would-be wizard or the ever-increasing presence of the tyrannosaurus.