Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Elven Princess – Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven: Wherein my story is interrupted by goblins, thereby explaining why it might not seem as good as it really was.

Goblins are nasty little blighters.  They remind me of my cousin Gervil’s friend called Rupert.  His name was Sally, which explains why he was called Rupert.  But like goblins, he was short and had a big, round head.  I don’t know why goblins have such large heads for their little bodies. Of course I don’t know why Rupert did either.  There doesn’t seem to be much advantage in it.  On the other hand, goblins have excellent night vision, making it very easy to sneak up on people in the dark.  And they have abnormally large mouths with an abnormally large number of teeth in them. This was very unlike Rupert, which is to say Sally, who as I recall had only five or six teeth, though he made up for that by having an extra toe.  In addition to which I don’t believe his night vision was all that it might have been, for once he kicked me in the head when he was on his way to the outhouse. Of course that could have been on purpose.  Rupert was a bit of a nasty blighter too.

“What are you doing?” asked the orphan, as Hysteria took a step back.

“Thinking about a fellow called Rupert,” said I.

“Well stop it, and get us away.”

I said that Hysteria took a step back, but I should have said that she took two steps back, one on each side.  I could tell she didn’t want the foul little creatures around her feet. She’s very particular about her feet, as most horses are wont to be.  As they approached still nearer, she reared up a bit—not enough to bother me, but just enough for the orphan to slip off her haunches and land with a poof on his seat in the snow.  The goblins cackled grotesquely and I’m sure that they thought they had secured for themselves a snack.  They stopped laughing though when I kicked my leg over Hysteria’s shoulder and dropped lightly to the ground.

With a quick motion, I pulled my knife, still stained red from crabapple pie, from my boot.  It was a small enough weapon to face off six attackers and I would have much rather had a sword, but I had been forced to sell my sword in order to get a fellow out of prison.  I didn’t really know him, but he was the beloved of a poor but beautiful farm girl. In retrospect it would have been better if he had not turned out to be a werewolf, but that is another story.  If I ever write this down, maybe I’ll say that I sold it to get the poor but beautiful farm girl out of prison and that I slew the werewolf.  Yes, that’s a much better story.

“What are you doing?” asked the orphan.

“Recalling the time I slew a werewolf,” said I.

“Finally something useful!” he exclaimed.

The two foremost goblins looked at one another.  While six or seven goblins might sneak up on a man when he was asleep, or might chase down a maiden who was alone and defenseless, they would have to be extraordinary members of their species to take on a seasoned warrior with a weapon.

“That’s right potato head!” shouted the orphan, jumping to his feet. “Werewolves, vampires, giants; he’s killed them all.

“Gree yard?” said the first goblin.

“Grock tor,” said the second goblin.

“I don’t think they understand us,” said I.

The first began to skirt around me to the right and the second began to skirt around me to the left.  The others were following along.  I don’t know whether their intention was to surround me so that they could attack from all sides at once, or to get by me and get at the boy, but I wasn’t going to let either of those things happen.  I took a quick step to the right and kicked the big round head of the first goblin, which flew almost as far as the kickball I kicked as a child, and of course the rest of the goblin went right along with his head.

As a child, kickball was one of my favorite pastimes.  We had our own little team and I was almost always the bowler. Sally and Gervil and several other boys made up the outfield.  Tuki played first, second, and third base.

“Look out for the other one!” the orphan cried, interrupting my fond memories.

I twisted around to my left and kicked the head of the second goblin, sending it in a lovely arc off into the forest.  If my first kick had scored a double, which is to say a trip to second base, then this kick must surely have been a triple.  And I would dare Tuki to say that either of those goblin’s heads went out of bounds.

“Look out!” the orphan shouted again.

I turned to give him a dirty look and saw a third goblin who was attempting to use the distraction of his fellows, which is to say their current use as substitute kickballs, to slice my Achilles tendon with a rusty old razor.  With a quick jab, I thrust the point of my knife into his head and he dropped to the ground—dead.  When I looked back around, the other goblins had wisely run away.

Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Elven Princess – Chapter Six

Chapter Six: Wherein I begin to tell the story of the Queen of Aerithraine.

Hysteria clomped along slowly down the snow-covered road for some time.  The orphan was so quiet that for a while I thought he must have fallen asleep.  But at last he stirred and shifted a bit in his seat, which is to say upon Hysteria’s flank.  I myself had been quiet as I remembered the events of that horrible night.

“What are you thinking about?” asked the orphan.

“I’m thinking about that horrible night,” I replied.

“Did you never find your family?”

“No, though I searched for weeks.  My mother was to make me a blueberry pie that night, and I not only have never seen my mother since, I did not get to eat that pie either.”

“I’m sorry I brought up such a painful memory,” he said, and then paused. “Do you suppose that the purple drops on the floor could have been from your blueberry pie?”

“Fiends!” said I.  “To rob a man of his mother and his pie in the same night!”

“Perhaps it were best that we think on something else,” said he.

“Perhaps,” I agreed.

“If you are really such a great storyteller…”

“The greatest in the world.”

“And if the story of the Queen of Aerithraine is a great story…”

“Wonderful.  Exciting. True.  Profound.”

“Well, maybe you could tell me the story.”

“I get half a crown for that story in Illustria,” said I.

“I have a shiny penny,” said he.

“The story begins in Aerithraine, far to the west, along the coast of the great ocean sea.  From storied Illustria, its capital, to Cor Cottage just outside Dewberry Hills in River County, Aerithraine has been a great and powerful country for some seven hundred years more or less.  By more or less, I mean that it has been more or less seven hundred years that Aerithraine has been a country and that it has been more or less great and more or less powerful during those seven hundred years.  But about fifty years ago, it was less.  That was when the old king died, and as is the way of kings, a new one was crowned.  He was King Julian the Rectifier.

“He was called Julian the Rectifier because he was chiefly interested in rectifying.  He spent most of his time rectifying.  He rectified all over the place.  And he was good at it.  He rectified like nobody else.”

“It means setting things to right,” said the orphan.

“Of course it does and that is just what he did.  Under his reign, the kingdom was prosperous and wealthy.  And, as he wasn’t so interested in warring as in rectifying, there was peace throughout the land.  King Julian had only one son, and he passed to that son the strongest and wealthiest kingdom in all of Duaron, and if it had only remained so, Elleena would have become nothing more than a minor princess perhaps.”

“Which would not have made a half-crown story,” pointed out the orphan.

“That is so.”

“Carry on then.”

“King Justin was the son of Julian.  I hear tell that he was once called Justin the Good and Justin the Wise, though now when storytellers refer to him, they usually call him Justin the Weak or Justin the Unready.”

“What do you call him?”

“I just call him King Justin,” said I.  “Though I truly believe he may deserve the title Justin the Brave, it is not what the listeners want to hear.”

“Go on.”

“King Justin married a princess from the faraway land of Goth.  The Arch-Dukes of Goth, which is to say the rulers of that land, have for generations, maintained power through a tightly woven web of treaties with its mighty neighbors.  Their chief barter in this endeavor is the marriage of the many female members of the family.  I hear the current Arch-Duke has but four daughters at least as of yet, but his father who was Arch-Duke before him had seventeen, and his father, which is to say the grandfather of the current Arch-Duke had nineteen.”

“That hurts just thinking about it.”

“What?”

“Nothing.  Go on.”

“It must have been quite a coup of diplomacy for the Arch-Duke of Goth to make a match with the King of Aerithraine, but he did, marrying to the King his daughter Beatrix.  And though I hear that the women of that country wear too much make-up, she was nevertheless accounted a great beauty.  She had pale white skin, raven hair, smoldering eyes, and a gold ring in her nose, as is the fashion in the east.

“King Justin and Queen Beatrix had four strong sons, the eldest of whom was Prince Jared.  He was particularly beloved of the people.  I saw him once when I was a child of four or five, sitting on my poor old father’s shoulders as the Dragon Knights passed on their tall white steeds. That is to say, I was seated on my father’s shoulders and the Prince was not.  Neither were the Dragon Knights nor their steeds.  I don’t remember why the Prince and the knights were in River County. It was too long ago.  He would have grown to be King upon his father’s death if it was not for…”

“Goblins!”

“Yes, that’s right.  You didn’t say you had heard the story before, though I’ll warrant it wasn’t told as well…”

“No!” screamed the orphan.  “Goblins! Right there!”

He pointed straight ahead, and sure enough, stepping out of the shadows and into the moonlight were a half dozen creepy little man-things. They were no more than three feet tall, their over-sized round heads, glowing eyes, and gaping maws giving away their identity.  As they came closer those mouths widened into grins filled with jagged little teeth, looking far too much like the teeth on the blade of a cross-cut saw for my taste. They brandished what weapons they had, mostly things they had picked up from the ground—a stick, a length of cord with a knot in it.  But a couple of them carried old, discarded straight razors.

Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Elven Princess – Chapter Five

Chapter Five: Wherein I reveal the mystery of my family.

“You said that you do not live far from here,” I mentioned, once we had finished the pies.  One might say the purloined pies, but I would not.  I would instead insist that they rightly belonged to us in recompense for our unjust confinement.

“That is correct,” said he.

“The pies rightfully belong to us?”

“No.  I live not far from here.  Are you carrying on some other conversation in your head about the pies?”

“Of course not,” I replied.  “You are an orphan.”

“I am well aware of that fact.  There is no need to keep rubbing it in my face.”

“What I mean is you don’t have a proper home anymore now that you are an orphan.”

“Even an orphan may have extended family,” he explained.  “Perhaps I live with them.”

“Do you?”

“One might suppose that I do.”

“One might suppose a great many things,” said I.  “But would it not be better to base our future activities less on supposition than on actual remembrances?”

“One might suppose we should,” said he.

“You have an odd way of talking,” I commented.  “You don’t quite sound orphanish at all.”

“Really?  How many orphans have you known?”

“Quite a few actually,” I revealed.  “The Queen of Aerithraine…”

“With whom you once had the pleasure of spending a fortnight.”

“Indeed it is so.  The Queen of Aerithraine, with whom I once had… well, she has a soft spot for orphans. Some years back she opened an orphanage called Elleena’s House.”

“Is that because her name is Elleena?”

“Why would her name cause her to have a soft spot for orphans?”  I wondered.  “No, I believe it is because she was an orphan herself.”

“No.  Is it called Elleena’s House because her name is Elleena?  And how could a queen be an orphan?  Doesn’t she have to be a princess?  Or did the King find her in an orphanage and come to sweep her off her feet? That would be a lovely story.”

“Well, there is no king,” said I.

“Gah!” he exclaimed.  “You are the worst storyteller in the world.  You are messing everything up and making me confused.”

“Forsooth!  I am the best storyteller in the world.  I do not expect you to know so, as you are an unfortunate orphan without any knowledge of the world.”  I looked over my shoulder at his pinched little face.  “In truth I was not trying to tell you the story of the Queen of Aerithraine.  If I had, you would be filled with wonder and excitement.  I have made half my fortune from that story, and a better story, a truer story, a more profound story; you are not likely to hear in all the days of your life.  But I was not trying to tell that story.  I was trying to explain that the Queen of Aerithraine has a soft spot for orphans. In fact, I suppose that I do so myself, as I am almost an orphan.”

“You are almost an orphan?”

“Indeed.”

“How can you be almost an orphan?”

“Why couldn’t I be?” I demanded.  “If anyone can be, I could be.”

“What I mean is…”  He took a deep breath.  “How can one be almost an orphan?”

“Oh.  Well, it’s only that my parents aren’t dead.”

“I see,” said he.

“But they were kidnapped,” I confided.

“Are you sure they didn’t just run away?” he asked.

“It was a stormy night and I had been away from my parents’ home, which is to say my former home, which is to say Cor Cottage just outside Dewberry Hills, and I was returning for a visit.  As I approached I heard a disturbance, though at first I attributed it to the sounds of the storm.  Then I looked up at the cottage window to see figures silhouetted on the shade, locked in a grim struggle.”

“What did you do?”

“Why, I rushed forward to aid my poor old mother, who as I recall smells of warm pie, and my poor old father, and my sister Celia, and my aunt Oregana, and my cousin Gervil, and my other cousin Tuki, who is a girl cousin, which is to say a cousin who is a girl, which makes sense, because whoever heard of a boy named Tuki.”

“They were all struggling by the window?”

“They may all have been struggling by the window, or some of them may have been, or perhaps only one of them was struggling by the window.  I don’t know, because when I burst in through the front door, they were all gone.  The back door was open wide and the rain was splashing in.”

“What happened to them?”

“I know not.”

“Were there any clues?”

“Indeed there were.”

“What were they?”

“The table had been set for nine, which was two places too many.”

“Three places!” said the orphan triumphantly.  “You thought I wasn’t paying attention.  There was your father, mother, sister, aunt, and two cousins. That makes six.”

“They would also have set a place for Geneva.”

“Of course they would have.  Who is she?”

“She’s my other cousin, which is to say Gervil’s sister, only she’s imaginary, but she wasn’t always imaginary, which is to say she died, but Gervil still sees her, so Aunt Oregana always sets a place for her.”

“What other clues?”

I listed them off.  “There was a knife stuck in Gervil’s bed.  Floorboards had been loosened in several rooms.  There were drops of purple liquid leading out the back door.  And someone had hung bunches of onions from the rafters of the dining room.  Most mysterious of all was the fact that the tracks led away from the house only fifty feet and then disappeared entirely.”

The orphan gripped me around the waist and squeezed.  “How terrible,” he said, in a tiny voice.

Tesla’s Stepdaughters – Chapter 16 Excerpt

Tesla's Stepdaughters“I was surprised that you played Memories of Dust and the two new songs too, for that matter.”

“The songs about you, do you mean?” asked Penny.

“Yes. Memories of Dust is a solo work.”

“Piffy said it was your favorite,” said Ruth.

“You did it just for me?”

They both nodded.

“That reminds me of a question I had. How come all the solo albums?”

“We write a lot of songs,” said Penny.

“I know. I understand Memories of Dust and Recompense. Both of those were recorded after you broke up, but what about the ones before 1970?”

“He really is a fan,” laughed Ruth.

“We all had too many songs to put just on Ladybugs albums, so we made our own too.”

“Yes, but why not just make them all Ladybugs albums?”

“You can’t put out six or seven Ladybugs albums a year.”

“Why not?”

Penny stared at him for a minute. “Well, um… it’s… it’s all very complicated music industry stuff that you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh.”

“What are your plans after the show?” Penny quickly asked.

“Well, I know you like to eat afterwards, so I thought we could go for a steak. What do you think?”

“Shit yeah. Do you mind if we invite Ruth and Steffie?”

“No, of course not. What about Piffy?”

“She’s got business this evening… business business. I don’t know what exactly. They’re probably going to make an Ep!phanee doll. When you pull the string, it looks at itself in the mirror.”

“Not in front of the man,” admonished Ruth.

“Okay, okay.”

“What do you mean, not in front of the man?”

“We don’t make disparaging remarks about each other in front of you,” she explained.

“Are these rules written down somewhere?”

“Yes, but you’re not allowed to see them.”

“That’s one of the rules too,” said Penny, arching one eyebrow. Andrews couldn’t tell if they were being serious or not.

Tesla’s Stepdaughters – Chapter 15 Excerpt

Tesla's StepdaughtersAndrews ordered an airflivver which he met in the hotel parking lot, then went winging south toward San Diego. Less than an hour later, he was landing on the roof of the San Diego Airborne Law Enforcement Station. He was met by Officer Eliza Lewis, an attractive redhead who served as the liaison to the international government, and who then drove him to the downtown police station where Kerrigan was being held.

“She was picked up at the airport,” said Lewis. “She was carrying a concealed weapon without a permit and when her name came up on the wanted list, we held her. She also had two hunting rifles with her, though they were properly checked in.”

Pearl Kerrigan was a plain looking woman, though not unattractive. Her dull brown hair was pulled back into a pony tail and her already thin lips were pressed together. When Andrews entered the interrogation room to find her waiting, she didn’t move. She didn’t look up. She simply stared at the top of the table.

“Miss Kerrigan,” said Andrews.

She startled in her seat and slowly raised her eyes to look at him. Then just as slowly, she lowered them back to the table.

“Miss Kerrigan, I’d like to ask you some questions.”

There was no response.

“Why did you come to San Diego? Why did you leave your house in Oxford? What can you tell me about the Ladybugs?”

Kerrigan didn’t move. It was as if she was mesmerized. He continued to ask questions but they all remained as unanswered as the first. Finally he tried a different track.

“I’ve been to your house. I’ve been in your celler.”

She looked up at him. “Have you read the book?”

“What book?”

“Ask them.”

He stepped out of the interrogation room to find Officer Lewis observing from behind the two way mirror.

“Do you have any idea what she’s talking about?”

“No, but I can see if she had a book with her when she was arrested.”

Kerrigan had indeed had a book in her handbag when she had been arrested. It was an eight by ten hard bound volume of blank pages which she had filled with tightly written cursive. In the center of most pages were the lyrics of Ladybugs songs and around them were annotations and bizarre sketches. Andrews took the book with him back into the interrogation room.

“Is this the book you were talking about?”

“That is the book.”

He opened the cover and flipped through a few random pages. “What about it?”

“You have to read it.”

“Can’t you just tell me what it says?”

“Read it. Then come back tomorrow.”

Leaving the room with the book, Andrews sat down at a vacant desk and picked up the phone. When the long distance operator came on, he gave her his contact number for Agent Wright in Hollywood. He had to wait about a minute for the connection and for Wright to answer.

“How’s it going?”

“Kerrigan’s a wacko and I don’t think I’ll be able to get anything out of her until tomorrow. I’m going to have to stay over.”

Tesla’s Stepdaughters – Chapter 12 Excerpt

The local police had removed the robber’s hoods. They were all women in their early twenties. Andrews stood looking at them for a long time. When he found Ep!phanee standing next to him, he realized that he had almost forgotten she was there.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Yes. I don’t think they even shot in our direction, did they?”

“No.”

The police took both their statements and then released them. They climbed back in the car and the driver took them to the Royal Continental. Neither of them had much to say along the way. Once at the hotel, Andrews met briefly with Wright to fill her in and then he went to his room to begin filling out the inevitable paperwork.

When the Science Police officer opened the door to his assigned room, he decided that a major mistake had been made. Instead of the simple room that he had been assigned in the other hotels, and which had suited him just fine, he found a spacious suite. He stood at the entrance of a large central room with features of both a living room and dining room. A roaring fire was already burning in the gas fireplace next to a fully stocked bar. He realized for the first time that he was shivering, having been out in the pouring rain for most of the evening and not having had the chance to dry off.

He walked to the fireplace and held out his hands to warm them. He stayed in that position until the front of his legs became unbearably hot, and then he turned around and warmed his back. Just as his back was becoming too warm and his front was feeling once again cold, Ep!phanee walked in from the bedroom. She wore nothing but a gauzy nightie through which her tattoos were clearly visible.

“I don’t think I’m really in the mood,” he said.

“In the mood for what? Don’t worry. I know just what you need and I’m going to take care of you.”

“I didn’t realize that you were the ‘taking care’ type.”

“Of course I am. Look how well I take care of myself. First you need to take off those wet clothes. Portland isn’t like the Caribbean. If you get a little rain on you there, it dries off in minutes. Here, you’ll catch pneumonia.”

“It does kind of sink right into your bones,” he replied as he began peeling off his still damp clothing.

“You need to get into the hot shower,” she said, stepping behind the bar and filling two shot glasses from a whiskey bottle. “First have one of these.”

When Andrews came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a very fluffy complimentary robe, he found Piffy seated at the table with a pot of hot coffee. She had already poured him a cup. When he sipped it, he found that she had laced it with more whiskey.

“I think you need to get right to bed,” she said.

“I have paperwork to take care of.” He went to his luggage, which was sitting just inside the door and found his portfolio, bringing it back to the table. Halfway there he stopped and looked back at his luggage. “What am I doing in a room like this anyway?”

“I had you upgraded. If you’re going to be with us, you’re going to go first class all the way. It’s one of the perks.”

Andrews sat back down at the table and began filling out the seven forms necessary when an agent discharged his weapon, all of which required long written statements and all of which were sandwiched with carbon paper and other sheets so that they were produced in triplicate. When he finished the second, he stopped to warm up his coffee and noticed for the first time that Piffy was no longer in the room. He found her, once he was completely done, sprawled across one side of the bed, her bare, very white bottom staring at him from below her nightgown hem. The California king was large enough though that once he stripped off his robe and climbed in, he didn’t notice her presence the entire night. When he woke up, she was gone.

“Good morning.” Ruth walked into the bedroom carrying a tray. “Come on, sit up. I’ve bought you breakfast.”

“I could just get up.”

“No. You need breakfast in bed after the day you had yesterday. You need to be pampered a bit.” The tray contained two eggs, two strips of bacon, hash browns, a waffle with blueberries, milk, and a cup of coffee.

“I don’t know if I can eat all this.”

“Just eat what you want.” She pulled a chair away from the wall and sat down to watch him eat.

She was already dressed for the day, wearing hip-hugger bellbottoms and a halter-top, both of which resembled the Union Jack, white platform shoes, and a red headband holding back her dreadlocks.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” he replied

“I’ve hardly seen you in three days.”

“Well, we’re together now. Do I get to spend the day with you?”

“Actually, we’re supposed to meet later this morning and work out the schedule, but Piffy thought you needed somebody to pamper you this morning.”

“And you thought you would be the one to do it?”

“I jumped at the chance.”

“I can take care of myself. I’m a big boy.”

“You’re telling me,” she said with a sly look. “Now don’t dawdle. Eat your breakfast.”

Andrews finished, though he had only a bite of his waffle, before even thinking to look at the clock.

“Good grief, it’s after nine.”

“Don’t be in a rush. The other girls won’t be up for at least another hour and our radio-vid interview isn’t until one.”

Tesla’s Stepdaughters – Chapter 10 Excerpt

Andrews spent the morning with Ruth. They ate breakfast and then they took a long walk around the Doric House grounds. Just after noon, he and Wright left and flew to Bloomington, Minnesota to go over the security at the Metropolitan Stadium. That evening’s concert went off, like the one two nights before in Atlanta, without any major problems. Afterwards the band returned to Doric House for one more night.

Having been, for the most part, too busy for dinner, Andrews was just beginning to think about ordering a snack from the kitchen when there was a knock at the door. He opened it, half expecting Ruth with another hot fudge sundae. Instead he found Ep!phanee, still in her costume from the concert.

“Hey lover, what’s up?”

“Good evening. I was just thinking of ordering something from the kitchen. Are you hungry?”

“I could eat.”

Picking up the house phone and asking for a connection, he ordered sandwiches and hot chocolate.

“I’ve been looking forward to seeing you,” Piffy said, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body against his.

“Really? You didn’t look particularly anxious.”

“I had to let Ruth have a chance to get to know you. And she did… finally.”

“Now you’re back with me?”

“Only for today. Tomorrow, you spend with Penny.”

“I’ve already been with Penny.”

“Yes, I know she snuck into your room for a quickie, but you need to spend some time getting to know her. Relationships aren’t just about sex, you know.”

“Really? So far, that has not been my experience.”

“You sound a little testy about it,” she said, leaning back and looking him in the face. “Most guys would give anything to be in the position you’re in.”

“Maybe. I think it’s one of those ‘be careful what you wish for’ situations. I just get to know you. I like you. I want to spend more time with you, but I can’t because I have to be with Ruth. Now I want to spend more time with her and I can’t. I suspected that this type of relationship would be too much for me and I’m finding out that I’m right.”

“It will get easier once you know all of us and we can work out a schedule.”

“This just isn’t natural. I think men are wired so that they are in love with one woman at a time.”

“Well, of course it’s not natural. It’s not natural that men are almost extinct either. But that’s the way it is. We have to make due the best we can with what we have.”

“Hmm.”

They spent the remainder of the evening talking about less weighty matters—what life was like in the Virgin Islands, favorite places to visit in Europe, and what the weather was going to be like on the west coast. They spent the night together, and for the first time in his life, Andrews shared a bed with a woman without having sex.

The next morning Andrews left Piffy sleeping in his bed while he shaved and showered, but she was gone when he came out of the bathroom. He met briefly with Wright but there was little to discuss. The entire group was treated to a champagne breakfast. Then it was off to the airport again. The dirigible was fueled and supplied and waiting to go. It lifted off as soon as everyone was aboard, flying directly north.

Andrews made a quick inspection of the ship after seeing that his few personal possessions had been carefully stowed back in his cabin. He then went to the bridge and watched the crew at work until he was called away to answer a telephone call. It was from Evan Larkin, the man he had met in Bolingbrook. Larkin wanted nothing more than to talk for a few minutes. Andrews let him ramble on for a while and then confirmed that he had heard the news regarding the arrest of his former fiancé.

“Yes, the poor girl. Elke and Inga are going to see if we can’t get her accepted into a mental health facility.”

“That would probably be for the best. Well, goodbye Larkin.”

“If you’re ever in the Chicago area, give me a call. We could have dinner.”

“Thank you, I will. Goodbye.”

He started back toward his cabin, but was intercepted along the way by Penny.

“Hello beautiful,” she said.

“Hi. How are you?”

“I’m feeling fine. We’d like you to come back to the port side lounge for a minute. The band has something they want to run by you.”

She led him to the lounge where the other three Ladybugs were seated, as well as Alexa Rothman. When he stepped in the room, they all looked up and smiled. He sat down on one of the overstuffed couches, as Penny took the spot beside him, tucking her legs up under her.

“We have something we wanted to share with you,” said Piffy, “before anyone else knows.”

“Oh?”

“We have the Asia tour coming up in two months,” explained Alexa. “It should really be called the Asia-Australia tour, since after Singapore; we’re going south to hit Melbourne and then Sydney.”

“But then we’re going to the enclaves,” Steffie spouted.

“That’s right,” said Ruth. “After Sydney, we’re going to Tasmania, South Island, and then Cape Horn.”

“We were going to wait until the South American tour to do the Cape Horn enclave,” continued Alexa, “but we might as well do it at the same time as the others.”

“That’s very exciting.”

Tesla’s Stepdaughters – Chapter 9 Excerpt

Lying on the bed, Andrews watched as Penny got up and walked naked across the small cabin. In the confined space, she looked truly larger than life. She was tall. She could not be called a small woman in any sense of the word, but there was not a pound that was not exactly where it should have been. She had the kind of hourglass figure that he had read about in novels. Wide eyes and a patrician nose gave her a face that while beautiful, would never be described as cute or even pretty. She was Junoesque, an image that was enhanced when the moonlight streaming into the window turned her pale skin the color of plaster. While her body had not a single tropical fish or other tattoo, it was adorned. Everywhere Piffy had a piercing, save her bellybutton, a bodily feature that her band mate did not share, Penny had two or more.

“This was a surprise to say the least,” said Andrews.

“A good one?”

“Yes. I didn’t know if you were interested?”

“Hopefully that question has been adequately answered. Just because I sing about women loving each other doesn’t mean I’m not interested in men… a man anyway.”

“You don’t prefer women?”

“Most women today have female lovers. They just pretend they don’t. That was the point of my song. But I’m reaching that age where family life starts to have more appeal. Besides, sex is like buying an automobile. If you want something really sporty, you have to be able to handle a stick.”

Andrews laughed.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” she asked.

“Very much. You are a talented lover.”

“I know I am. I’m always satisfied.”

She stepped back to the cot and gave him a deep kiss. He allowed his hands to run down the length of her soft, smooth body.

“Good night,” she said, starting for the door.

“Where are your clothes?”

“Didn’t bring any,” she smiled. Then she stepped naked into the brightly lit hall beyond and closed the door after her.

Andrews fell back asleep and when he woke, light was streaming in from outside. He got up and looked out the window to see that they were on the tarmac at Minneapolis-St. Paul. Three hundred yards away was another massive dirigible sporting the blue Pan Am globe. Shaving and showering in the small but functional bathroom, he got dressed and reported to the portside lounge for his morning meeting with Wright.

“Good morning,” he said.

In reply, Wright held up a newspaper. “Ladybugs Triumph!” was plastered across the top in two-inch type and the entire front page was filled with stories of the tour. Down near the bottom right hand corner though was a picture of him. He stepped over and took the paper from his partner’s hand and read the caption.

“The Ladybugs’ valiant protector, Science Agent John Andrews. Shit.”

“Could be worse. Could be ‘lover,’ ‘boy-toy,’ ‘backdoor man’.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying this. Brussels is going to want to pull me off the case now.”

“Probably, but they can’t. They’re not going to tarnish the reputation of their only male Special Agent. Besides, I’m telling them in my report that it will be an advantage for us.”

“How will it be an advantage?”

“It gives our would-be assassin another target.”

Breakfast was served aboard the Rosalie Morton, though only the band, crew, and the Science Police agents took part, the airship crew having much work to do maintaining and resupplying the great craft. It was a breakfast buffet—a long table covered with warming trays full of scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, cottage fries, French toast, pancakes, and cheese blintzes. As Andrews gathered his choice of morning foods together, he found himself with Penny on one side and Steffie on the other. The former was wearing a tee shirt and bell bottom jeans, her platform sandals making her taller than Andrews, while the latter wore a red and white striped halter top, matching hot pants, and red knee-high boots. Steffie leaned over to look at Penny’s plate just as she was adding a second scoop of fried potatoes.

“You sure you need that much?”

“There’s not that much food on my plate,” replied Penny.

“There’s a lot of ass in those jeans though.”

“Bitch, don’t even…”

“Ladies, ladies,” said Andrews. “Please don’t fight.”

“You’ll get yours later, you boney-assed bitch,” said Penny, turning on her heel and walking to the table.

“You’re not her protector now, just because she gave you a little face.”

“I’m just trying to enjoy my breakfast.” Andrews added two slices of bacon to his plate and then put two on Steffie’s. “Here, you need to keep up your strength.”

Returning to his seat, Andrews directed most of his attention at his food. Did everyone have to know exactly what went on in his room at night? He supposed that was what life was like for Evan Larkin. Even now, he had the peculiar feeling that people were watching him, but whenever he looked at someone else at the table, they weren’t. They were talking about the concert the previous night or the upcoming concert in Bloomington. They weren’t even looking at him. The more he thought about it though, the more he decided they weren’t looking at him on purpose. He finished his food and left the dining room, taking the stairs down to the lowest level of the ship and then exiting though the boarding ramp to the tarmac.

The massive golden dirigible was at the end of a long row of similar craft; the Pan Am was the closest. The local police had set up a perimeter around the Rosalie Morton, but to Andrews’ mind, it should have been larger in diameter.

“Are we safe?”

Tesla’s Stepdaughters – Chapter 7 Excerpt

Tesla's Stepdaughters“So, Piffy told me your name is John,” she said, while they were waiting for their food. “May I call you John?”

“Of course. What else did she tell you?”

“Oh, everything. Women tell each other everything. We talk all the time, the four of us even more so.”

“Really? I was not aware of that.” He rubbed his chin. “I really don’t know about this. I mean about today. You seem very nice and all. I had this connection with Piffy and I was looking forward to finding out where it led. I wasn’t planning to sex my way through the entire tour company.”

“Of course you weren’t. And maybe we won’t even like each other. But maybe we will and maybe you’ll like Penny and Steffie too. We’re all really close, closer than we were back when we were starting out. Maybe we needed a few years apart to mature. I know Penny’s already planning on moving back to Thatch Cay, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Steffie brought her boy to live with her there too at least part of the year.”

“That’s great, but it really doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“Sure it does. Since we’re all so close, it would be much easier to have the four of us as wives rather than trying to make it work with strangers.”

“Wives? I don’t want wives. I’m not sure I want even one wife.”

“You told Steffie that she could be a poster child for mothering a boy. Well, for better or worse, multi-marriage is going to be the type of marriage that most women have for the foreseeable future.”

“Polygamy. You think most women will approve of that?”

“With one man on Earth for every two hundred fifty women? I would imagine so.”

“Well that’s fine for women everywhere, but I don’t know that it’s for me.”

They stopped talking while the waitress set their food on the table, then continued between bites.

“You seem like you’re all ready to get married and aren’t too picky about to whom.”

“I’m thirty-one next month,” said Ruth. “So I can’t afford to wait too long unless I want a vat baby, and none of us can afford to be too picky. But you are a very pretty man. And I remember how happy my parents were.”

After breakfast, Andrews ordered a

Tesla’s Stepdaughters – Chapter 5 Excerpt

Tesla's Stepdaughters“Agent Andrews…” two of the women started at once, and then looked at each other.

“If you’re not doing anything for dinner…” one of them continued.

“I’m sorry ladies, but my partner has a meeting,” said Wright. “I however, would be happy to escort any or all of you to dinner.”

“I have a meeting?” Andrews leaned over and asked.

“In the lobby.”

The lobby of the Grace Coolidge international building, though Spartan, was large. It took a minute for Andrews to find his appointment waiting by feet of the statue of Justice. He almost didn’t recognize Ep!phanee. She was dressed in faded jeans and a Nehi Blue Cream Soda tee shirt. Her hair was tucked up under a black military cap.

“Is somebody here with you?” he asked.

“Nope. I ditched the cops back at the hotel. Buy me a hotdog.”

“You shouldn’t be running around town without an escort.”

“Well I have one now. Besides, I just want a hotdog. There’s a hotdog cart just down on the corner. I saw it on the cab ride over here.”

She took him by the arm and led him to the glass enclosed front of the building, holding the door open for him. The hotdog vendor was stationed just where she had described, a chubby little woman with a striped shirt, a large stain covering most of the front.

“Two dogs,” Ep!phanee ordered, then turned to Andrews. “What do you want on yours?”

“I don’t know; whatever’s customary.”

“Haven’t you ever had a hotdog before?”

He shook his head. “German food’s not very popular in the enclaves.”

“Hotdogs are as American as apple pie. All right. Bacon, beans, avocado, catsup, and mayonnaise. Do you want jalapenos?”

“Yes please.”

“So you don’t have street food in the enclaves?”

“Sure. Tacos– usually fish tacos, but sometimes grilled shrimp.”

The vendor handed Piffy the hotdogs, already loaded with beans and avocado. Stepping to the end of the cart, she scooped on the jalapenos and then squirted on squiggly lines of red catsup and white mayonnaise. Handing one of the dogs to Andrews, she watched as he took a tentative bite. She then opened her mouth wide and shoved in about a third of hers.

“Good huh?” she asked, her mouth full.

He nodded and then took another bite. Ep!phanee began strolling down the sidewalk and even though she was moving slowly Andrews had to take a few quick steps to keep up. He was still eating his hotdog as they walked, being careful not to spill the condiments on his jacket. She finished first and dropped the little paper hotdog caddie in a trashcan beside the street.

“I should get you back to the hotel.”

“I’m staying in this hotel now.”

Andrews looked skyward to find that they were in front of the Palmer House. When he looked back down, Ep!phanee was already going through the revolving door. He stuffed the last bit of hotdog into his mouth and dropped the paper waste in a can beside the door, following her. The lobby was huge, with a tiled vaulted ceiling that looked like it belonged in a cathedral. Andrews felt self-conscious even walking on the rugs.

“Why are you staying here?”

“We have two more days in Chicago. I’ll go crazy if I’m cooped up with the girls the whole time.”

“You have two entire suites at the American. And it’s under complete police protection.”

“I’ve got my own suite here.” She twirled around a few times but kept on course for the elevator. “It’s the same one Ulysses S. Grant stayed in. He used to be on money, you know.”

She skipped into the elevator and he followed. An attendant, a small woman in a tight red uniform, was waiting inside.

“Twenty-fifth floor,” said Ep!phanee.

The attendant nodded, and then turned the lever sending the car gliding swiftly upwards.

“Ulysses S. Grant died in 1885,” said Andrews. “There weren’t any twenty-five story buildings in Chicago then.”

“I think I feel his presence though.”

“Uh-huh.”