Chapter Ten: Wherein I taste a disconsolateberry pie and other things happen too, but the pie is the part that I remember best.
I waved goodbye to my friend, but did not dally, for though a man may well wait for a pie, it is a verifiable truth that a pie seldom waits for a man. So, leaving Hysteria where she was, I hopped over to the where the chubby little red-head with a checkered apron and a brown bonnet held her pie.
“Good day, lovely piesmith,” said I, bowing at the waist.
“Good day, Sir.”
“Might I inquire whether that pie is bound for an inn or perhaps the market?”
“Indeed it is neither, Sir.”
“Then might I purchase it?” I asked.
“Might I ask first your name, Sir? You seem to be a man of heroic bearing and noble manner.”
“You are very perceptive, my pretty piesmith, for indeed I am Eaglethorpe Buxton, famous storyteller and adventurer. Really of late I have been more of an adventurer than a story-teller, for though my tales of the great heroes and their adventures have been repeated far and wide across the land, I find myself having even more wondrous adventures than any of the characters in my stories. Still, the appellation, which is to say the name of Buxton and of Eaglethorpe, is best known for stories so I still introduce myself as first a storyteller and then an adventurer.”
“It is so very nice to…”
“Now that I think about it, I should introduce myself as Eaglethorpe Buxton, playwright, adventurer, and storyteller, as my play ‘The Ideal Magic’ is such a success that I am sure I will be doing much more of that.”
“I’m very pleased to…”
“On the other hand, it might seem strange to say playwright, adventurer, and storyteller, seeing as how storytelling and play writing are so closely related. Perhaps one ought not to separate them from one another by placing them on either side of adventuring. And it is worth noting that I have been doing quite a bit of adventuring since writing the play.”
“Do you want pie or not?” she asked, one hand on her hip and the other holding up the delectable object in question.
“Oh yes. Pie please.”
“Come inside,” she said, leading me into a simple but clean little cottage, where I sat down at the only chair at the old but serviceable table.
She very fetchingly began to cut a generous piece of the pie. Though it smelled wonderful, I couldn’t quite place the combination of spices.
“What kind of pie is it?” I wondered.
“Disconsolateberry pie,” said she.
Disconsolateberries seem to be common in this area. I just tasted some disconsolateberry syrup and the other night I had my first bowl of disconsolateberry wine. Though I have yet to taste disconsolateberry chutney, I hear it is very good indeed.”
“They are indeed common all over southern Lyrria,” she said, setting the slice in front of me. “I had considered making it toad pie.”
I took a large bite. “What?” I asked with my mouth full.
“I baked that pie especially for you, Eagletwirp Buckethead.” Though she still had the appearance of the chubby little red-head with a checkered apron and a brown bonnet, now her eyes were flashing green.
“You are the sorceress,” I said, taking another bite.
She picked up a wooden spoon and waving it before her, she changed into her normal slender, blond, attractive self. The wooden spoon took on the appearance of her flashing wand. I was surprised, though not so surprised as to stop eating.
“Are you familiar with alliteration, Eagletwit Bumpkin?” she asked.
“It’s Eagletwirp… I mean Eaglethorpe… Of course I’m familiar with alliteration. I’m a talented writer.”
“How’s this then? Poisoned pie punishes poetic pinhead.”
“I don’t follow,” I said, taking another bite.
“When I said that I made that pie especially for you,” said she, “I meant to imply that I had poisoned the pie. And then when I added the bit about alliteration, you see, I actually told you that I poisoned the pie.”
“Did you in fact poison it?” I asked, taking another bite.
“Yes.”
“What a waste of a perfectly fine pie.”
“And you’re still eating it!”
“I can’t help it. It’s yummy.”
City of Amathar 